When I ask you to listen to me
and you start giving me advice,
you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do something
to solve my problem,
you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen!
All I ask is that you listen.
Don't talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap - 20 cents will get you both
Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can
and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.
But when you accept as a simple fact
that I feel what I feel, no matter how irrational,
then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding
what's behind this irrational feeling.
And when that's clear, the answers are obvious
and I don't need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense
when we understand what's behind them.
Perhaps that's why prayer works - sometimes -
for some people, because God is mute.
and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things.
God just listens and lets you work it out for yourself.
So please listen, and just hear me.
And if you want to talk,
wait a minute for your turn,
and I will listen to you.
Friday, April 09, 2010
A Credo For My Relationships With Others - Dr. Thomas Gordon
A Credo For My Relationships With Others
Dr. Thomas Gordon
You and I are in a relationship, which I value and want to keep. Yet each of us is a separate person with unique needs and the right to meet those needs.
When you are having problems meeting your needs I will listen with genuine acceptance so as to facilitate your finding your own solutions instead of depending on mine. I also will respect your right to choose your own beliefs and develop your own values, different though they may be from mine.
However, when your behavior interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I will tell you openly and honestly how your behavior affects me, trusting that you respect my needs and feelings enough to try to change the behavior that is unacceptable to me. Also, whenever some behavior of mine is unacceptable to you, I hope you will tell me openly and honestly so I can change my behavior.
At those times when one of us cannot change to meet the other's needs, let us acknowledge that we have a conflict and commit ourselves to resolve each such conflict without either of us resorting to the use of power to win at the expense of the other's losing. I respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. So let us always strive to search for a solution that will be acceptable to both of us. Your needs will be met, and so will mine - neither will lose, both will win.
In this way, you can continue to develop as a person through satisfying your needs, and so can I. Thus, ours can be a healthy relationship in which both of us can strive to become what we are capable of being. And we can continue to relate to each other with mutual respect, love and peace.
Dr. Thomas Gordon
You and I are in a relationship, which I value and want to keep. Yet each of us is a separate person with unique needs and the right to meet those needs.
When you are having problems meeting your needs I will listen with genuine acceptance so as to facilitate your finding your own solutions instead of depending on mine. I also will respect your right to choose your own beliefs and develop your own values, different though they may be from mine.
However, when your behavior interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I will tell you openly and honestly how your behavior affects me, trusting that you respect my needs and feelings enough to try to change the behavior that is unacceptable to me. Also, whenever some behavior of mine is unacceptable to you, I hope you will tell me openly and honestly so I can change my behavior.
At those times when one of us cannot change to meet the other's needs, let us acknowledge that we have a conflict and commit ourselves to resolve each such conflict without either of us resorting to the use of power to win at the expense of the other's losing. I respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. So let us always strive to search for a solution that will be acceptable to both of us. Your needs will be met, and so will mine - neither will lose, both will win.
In this way, you can continue to develop as a person through satisfying your needs, and so can I. Thus, ours can be a healthy relationship in which both of us can strive to become what we are capable of being. And we can continue to relate to each other with mutual respect, love and peace.
Life & I.. My tryst with emotions...
(Wrote Something on my own, after quite a while):
On this long journey.. I kept walking.. I was tired but I didn't stop laughing.. I stopped.. i dreamed, I thought it might just come true.. i held on to my dreams for long.. before my insecurities wrenched me.. i gave in for a while.. but the dreamer never really let it be..
I collected thoughts.. I collected memories.. thought there'd be the time.. the right moment, but that was never to be.. and then I believed they'd sink slowly b'cus life is.. as they say.. a sea..
I found it hard, to walk the thorny path.. life.. a dense scary forest.. it seemed. I thought of escapes, they never seemed right.. and I chose to go back.. to the road less travelled.. that lead me to.. the dense forest again. I wondered if i was sane, my heart assured but never the brain.. damn the insecurities.. wish i could hide 'em and never let 'em show up again
I toughened myself (so i believed), I found diversions.. the mysterious forest.. i just thought of letting go. And, God ensured I failed miserably and he ensured I stick to his plans. Whatever I did, he knew why.. I told my self it was truth.. deep within I knew it was a lie.. I kept on walking and I saw many cross by.. walking to the opposite side.. I tried joining them, and I wondered why I laughed when I wanted to cry..
On this long journey.. I kept walking.. I was tired but I didn't stop laughing.. I stopped.. i dreamed, I thought it might just come true.. i held on to my dreams for long.. before my insecurities wrenched me.. i gave in for a while.. but the dreamer never really let it be..
I collected thoughts.. I collected memories.. thought there'd be the time.. the right moment, but that was never to be.. and then I believed they'd sink slowly b'cus life is.. as they say.. a sea..
I found it hard, to walk the thorny path.. life.. a dense scary forest.. it seemed. I thought of escapes, they never seemed right.. and I chose to go back.. to the road less travelled.. that lead me to.. the dense forest again. I wondered if i was sane, my heart assured but never the brain.. damn the insecurities.. wish i could hide 'em and never let 'em show up again
I toughened myself (so i believed), I found diversions.. the mysterious forest.. i just thought of letting go. And, God ensured I failed miserably and he ensured I stick to his plans. Whatever I did, he knew why.. I told my self it was truth.. deep within I knew it was a lie.. I kept on walking and I saw many cross by.. walking to the opposite side.. I tried joining them, and I wondered why I laughed when I wanted to cry..
Peace..
Tell unto your heart, "Peace, be still"!
The problems we face today can appear too overwhelming for just one person to make any difference, but it is with the individual that changes begin. We can all make a difference, however small our contribution. We can recycle, buy green, petition, lobby governments, volunteer, show kindness to a stranger, or just send love to a friend. There are an infinite number of ways.
I invite you to become part of the ever-growing consciousness and efforts to achieve peace and harmony on Earth, with respect for all of nature and all of life.
The problems we face today can appear too overwhelming for just one person to make any difference, but it is with the individual that changes begin. We can all make a difference, however small our contribution. We can recycle, buy green, petition, lobby governments, volunteer, show kindness to a stranger, or just send love to a friend. There are an infinite number of ways.
I invite you to become part of the ever-growing consciousness and efforts to achieve peace and harmony on Earth, with respect for all of nature and all of life.
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Forgot the source that I copied it from, but found it as a captivating capture of the random thoughts (Search in google for Original Source):
Soft computer screen ambiance
casts shadows over fantasies
contacts dry on unblinking eyes
its all varying degrees of surreality
nothing changes in an instant
though that may be what it seems
it's all behind the curtain, magicians
switching up the pieces while we sleep
rearrange perceived reality,
involuntary heart eviction, conviction.
choices made, promises broken
no resisting the necessary, its all
momentary circumstantial exception.
unexpected pattern of repetition
grain grinds against preconceived
reason asserted attempting preservation
lost as souls once torn apart collide
in the frenzied recognition of emotion
undeniable existence of impression.
There is something to be said for
that which goes and returns unquestioned
Soft computer screen ambiance
casts shadows over fantasies
contacts dry on unblinking eyes
its all varying degrees of surreality
nothing changes in an instant
though that may be what it seems
it's all behind the curtain, magicians
switching up the pieces while we sleep
rearrange perceived reality,
involuntary heart eviction, conviction.
choices made, promises broken
no resisting the necessary, its all
momentary circumstantial exception.
unexpected pattern of repetition
grain grinds against preconceived
reason asserted attempting preservation
lost as souls once torn apart collide
in the frenzied recognition of emotion
undeniable existence of impression.
There is something to be said for
that which goes and returns unquestioned
Waste not.. Want Not
Waste not..
that which exists
within the palm
of your hand
for time wanes
slipping away
regardless of
plans made.
Want not
that which glimmers
upon the horizon
in sun setting
golden rays
shadowing reality
with the desperation
of a lost day.
Waste not
time spent
questioning
circumstances.
Forge a path
beyond uncertainty
with wooden spoon
determination.
Want not
projected desires
assigned without
destiny in mind.
Allow moments
of awestruck fascination
in the fluid plans of design.
Get to know the you, you find.
that which exists
within the palm
of your hand
for time wanes
slipping away
regardless of
plans made.
Want not
that which glimmers
upon the horizon
in sun setting
golden rays
shadowing reality
with the desperation
of a lost day.
Waste not
time spent
questioning
circumstances.
Forge a path
beyond uncertainty
with wooden spoon
determination.
Want not
projected desires
assigned without
destiny in mind.
Allow moments
of awestruck fascination
in the fluid plans of design.
Get to know the you, you find.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)